Who says 3rd time’s the charm?

I was browsing in Winners on the weekend when I noticed a woman and her son. He was moping behind her, a wake of complaints and whines.

I’m never going to be by myself ever again, I thought, fear bubbling up in my abdomen. My imagination jumped ahead to having an 8-year-old, unable to shop peacefully, alone… whenever the hell I want.

These are the flashes of time when I feel panic, a threat of possible regret creeping up my throat like nausea.

I often swallow it back down, reassuring myself that these feelings are normal; when I hold my baby in my arms none of these fears, anxieties or (sometimes) ridiculous thoughts will matter.

When I hold my baby. About that…

Looks like 2nd time’s the charm. I’m currently just shy of 4 weeks.

I know, it’s weird, since I was inseminated only 2 weeks ago, on May 1st. But, as some of you will know, the countdown of 40 weeks starts on day 1 of your last period. Even though for those first 2 weeks there were no sperm striving towards my unready egg, it was the beginning of the cycle that conception happened, and it’s the only generic biological marker that’s always accurate (shout-out here to my friend Ann, for somewhat unraveling that convoluted truth!)

Not everyone had a planned day of insemination, after all! And even still, there’s no way to know if the microscopic Michael Phelps made it to the fertilization finish line on that exact day.

Now, it’s obviously incredibly early; way earlier than anyone would ever choose to share. But it seems that I didn’t think this part through when I decided to share this journey via blog!

That is the only reason why I’m sharing now. The link to this will not be posted on my social media; only those of you who are already following along will be privy.

So I’d ask you to please keep that in mind, and be aware that this is not currently common knowledge. Please keep it to yourself for the time being, and don’t assume someone we both know is informed. They may not be. This is especially true for my colleagues.

In addition to taking more than once pregnancy test – all of which came back positive – my blood results came back yesterday as Beta positive with an amount of 41. I know what you’re probably thinking… ummm what?

I had the same reaction. Turns out 41 is my level of hCG – that’s the hormone they measure when they test the blood – Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, AKA The Pregnancy Hormone.

According to americanpregnancy.org, hCG is made by cells formed in the placenta, which nourishes the egg after it has been fertilized and becomes attached to the uterine wall. Levels can first be detected by a blood test about about 11 days after conception and about 12-14 days after conception by a urine test. Typically, the hCG levels will double every 48-72 hours, finally reaching its peak in the first 8-11 weeks of pregnancy, then declining and leveling off for the remainder of the pregnancy.

So I go back to the clinic tomorrow between 8:00 and 9:30 to give more blood so they can make sure my hCG is rising appropriately.

If all continues to go well, looks like Baby Taylor will be here at the end of January, 2020. Which is kind of perfect, since one of my best friends is due at the end of August – a perfect amount of time between the two babes for me to reap all the hand-me-downs!

As if I’m not going to shop my ass off.

Guys. I’m pregnant. Isn’t that messed up? It does not feel real in any way. One moment I’m freaked the F out, and the next I’m excited. Then I’m like what in the name of all that is good and holy have I done?!

I’m being warned about how ridiculously exhausted I’m going to feel soon. Greeeeeat. I can’t wait. My friend Shelley joked that it’s essentially a parasite that will take whatever it needs from me for the next 9 months… or did she mean from now on?! I suppose that’s a matter of opinion… Kidding. I know she only meant during pregnancy.

Right?

During the really tough moments I’ll try and remember another thing she said: Welcome to the world of cankles and toe sausages.

Oh wait, no – not that.

This: It’s worth every ounce of water you hold on to.

I’m counting on it.

… just like I’m counting on you to keep this info to yourself. Please and thank you!