14 weeks and taking flight

Never say never.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Believe you can and you’re halfway there.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

I really should have magnets of these well-known sayings adorning my fridge – though there isn’t much free space left!

I can’t count how many times throughout my life that I’ve started a sentence with I could never…

And even if I didn’t say it, I acted it.

Fear and anxiety ruled my life for most of my younger years.

It reigned over what I did, where I went, what I ate, where I slept. My world began and ended within the invisible boundaries of comfort that I had drawn in my mind.

Sleepover down the street for a night? Maybe.

Spend a weekend two hours north? Not a chance.

I could never go on the overnight school trip.

And so I lived a life of mostly never.

Of course, as an adult (which I still don’t always feel like!), things aren’t quite the same anymore. I grew up, learned how to push through some of my fears, became an expert in harnessing my anxiety.

Most of the time.

I remember being in my early twenties, saying I could never live alone.

Never say never.

I’ve been living solo for about 10 years now.

Not even a year ago, I probably would have said I could never fly alone.

Never say never.

Yesterday I returned from a business trip that took me to Minneapolis, where I spent the past four nights.

Now, for most people, this is not a big deal. Grown ups travel for business alone all the time. They fly alone, without someone beside them for support and comfort.

They would do all of this and more without another thought, without batting an eye.

But for me, this is a big deal.

I’ve had dreams (nightmares?) about getting on a plane by myself. The dreams always ended in panic and failure to board the plane.

Mind you, I’d never had to go anywhere alone before, and still these random dreams have played in my sleep-filled subconscious a handful of times over the years.

Last week, I lived the realistic version of this story, and it didn’t end in panic or failure to board the plane.

I did it. And what’s more, I did it well.

Again, I know, so what… big deal.

For me, it’s a huge deal.

I just climbed a mountain I never thought I could, or would.

But never say never.

Those closest to me have told me how proud they are of me, because they know; for me, this was not just taking a flight alone.

This was taking flight.

This was me proving to myself that there is no challenge I will face that I cannot overcome.

And that includes solo motherhood.

No better time for a reminder.

At fourteen weeks, baby is the size of a peach. Roughly 3.5 inches long, it has almost doubled in size from last week. Hair is beginning to grow on the head and eyebrows.

Baby can now grasp, squint, frown and grimace, and the roof of its mouth is fully formed.